


LeFou is the new Sassy Gay Friend

by JotunVali



Category: Beauty and the Beast (2017)
Genre: M/M, Parody, and swear words, lots of dick talking, sassy gay friend - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-12-23 15:11:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11992329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JotunVali/pseuds/JotunVali
Summary: This is an idea I had for long. 2017 LeFou really reminded me of the Sassy Gay Friend from the Second City Network on youtube. So here's a silly fiction with LeFou trying to get Gaston out of the Beast's castle without killing anybody. Lots of swear words and lots of dicks.





	LeFou is the new Sassy Gay Friend

**Author's Note:**

> DELETE ARTICLE 13!!
> 
> https://www.liberties.eu/en/news/free-speech-defeated-in-copyright-reform-juri-vote-ep/15213  
> https://saveyourinternet.eu/

**Meet Gaston from Beauty and the Beast. He's about to shoot the Beast and die in the process. This fate could have been avoided if he didn't abandon his sassy gay friend.**

"Gaston! What are you doing? What-what-what are you doing??" LeFou suddenly appeared out of the blue on the castle's balcony. "Oh, your ego is so damaged poor muscle baby, move away from the fur ball!"

"This is a black magic loathsome creature! Except you and Belle, everyone can see that!" Gaston claimed as he aimed his gun at the Beast.

"First of all, **_YOU_** led everyone to think that and secondly, **_what?_** Some guy has more hair than the average and horns so he's the fucking Devil begging to be murdered?"

"His enchanted furniture attacked us!"

"Well, **_you_** led a whole village to the warpath and a likely gruesome death. Also pushed me under a harpsichord. In fact, **_you_** used me as a damn human shield, you jerry-built hero!" LeFou blurted out.

" ** _I am_** a true hero!" Gaston screamed. "I fought as a captain for King Louis the 15 th!"

"Yeah, we both know that but you're actually being the monstrous beast here."

"I'm a soldier. I'm just fulfilling my duty."

"I think you're psychopathic and a big manchild. You're offended a girl said no to you, so after sulking and demanding everyone praise you and suck your cock, you wanna avenge your so-called honor!"

"I simply love her." Gaston replied with a pair of shifty eyes.

"You love her? You try to kill her man and rape her after she turned you down! Slow down crazy, slow down!"

"Love makes you crazy." Gaston tried to justify himself.

"Yeah I'd say so. _"The only woman I've ever loved"._ Translation: I love guys! I love cocks! But I'm so far in the closet I'm in fucking Canada! Because society won't accept my penis anywhere else than in a vagina!" LeFou angrily ranted.

"This monster has to die! Or else he'll destroy the village, maybe the entire country!" Gaston exclaimed.

"Save it, egg sucker! I'm not buying your PTSD today, thank you." LeFou mocked him as he stepped closer to the hunter. "Look at your life, look at your choices. Are you sure to know what love is?"

"I think I do now." Gaston admitted gazing longingly at LeFou.

"What?" LeFou was surprised actually. He cleared his throat. "Well then, instead of killing a defenseless hairy guy and force a girl to marry you, you're gonna throw your gun away and move on." LeFou ordered before turning back.

Gaston didn't move. He was too busy staring at LeFou's cute ponytail and sumptuous butt.

"Why are you still on that balcony??" LeFou startled him. The ruthless captain rushed at him and hugged him.

"I'm sorry LeFou. I'm a stupid bitch."

"Yeah, but you're **_my_** stupid bitch." LeFou looked at a puzzled Belle. "He's my stupid bitch." He told her in a broad smile.

**Author's Note:**

> DELETE ARTICLE 13!!
> 
> https://www.liberties.eu/en/news/free-speech-defeated-in-copyright-reform-juri-vote-ep/15213  
> https://saveyourinternet.eu/


End file.
